


Bloomin' Hobbits!

by valderys



Category: Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-01
Updated: 2010-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-09 20:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/91402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valderys/pseuds/valderys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lads will be lads...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bloomin' Hobbits!

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2005.

Somewhere in the depths of Brandy Hall…

"Pippin?"

"Yes, Merry."

"It's very dark in here."

"Well, yes, it would be, being the inside of a cupboard and all that."

"It's also very cramped. And dusty. And I hope that's your foot that's digging into my leg."

"Yes, Merry."

There is a pause.

"Yes to which part, Pip. The cramped dusty part, or the foot part?"

"…Both?"

"Umm. Pippin? Remind me again why we're here?"

"Because there's a knot-hole in the back of this cupboard that lets you see into the bathing rooms, and you wanted me to learn a little bit more about lasses, remember, Merry?"

"I'm beginning to regret mentioning that, actually."

"Well, I think it's a jolly good idea. I've got a bet on with Berilac."

"Pippin! You're not even a tween yet, and you've got a bet about lasses going with my reprehensible cousin!"

"He's my cousin too, Merry."

"That's beside the point, I still think it's disgraceful. Him leading you astray like this."

"Umm. Merry?"

"Yes."

"It was you who told me about the knot-hole."

"Yes, well, let's gloss over that part, shall we? Budge over, I want to see."

"Ow. Careful! I'm not as small as I used to be."

"I think that's very plain! Bets indeed… Ooh, well, will you look at those… Actually, on second thoughts, you'd better not."

"Let me see! Let me see!"

"No!"

"Merry! It's not fair… Is it Daffodil? I need to know if it's Daffodil!"

"For goodness sake! You're certainly growing up fast. Ow! Don't pinch, Pippin, it's not nice."

"Oooh…"

"Stop pushing, you clod… I'm going to… Oh no…"

There is a large smashing and clattering noise, and a thump, as of two bodies hitting a floor.

"Well, that's torn it! We need to get out of here, Pip."

"That's all right. I've seen all I need to see."

"What?! You weren't at the knothole more than a few seconds. At your age I was… Ahem. Never mind."

"Rosebuds!"

"What?!"

"They're rosebuds!"

"_What?!_"

"Will you stop saying 'what?!' like a fusty old Auntie, Merry, and get off me. I know you're growing into a fine figure of a hobbit, but there's no need to prove it by crushing me to death."

"Charming, I'm sure."

There are scrambling sounds, and thumping sounds, and then the sound of panting.

"You're not exactly light yourself, Pip. Now what's all this business about rosebuds. I know Daffodil has a fine pair of… Well, what I mean to say, she is generously endowed in the… Umm. You know what I mean. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you…"

"Bloomers!"

"_What?!_"

"Don't start that again, Merry. Daffodil's bloomers are decorated with rosebuds. I can't wait to tell Berilac. He reckoned she'd be sure to be a lass who likes ribbons and lace. Now I can tell him it's rosebuds."

There is a pause, as of someone gathering their strength.

"And _why_ do you need to tell Berilac this, Pip?"

"Oh, he wants to court her, or some such boring stuff. And I can tell him that if he wants to impress her he should bring her roses. That should be worth a gobstopper or two…"

"Pippin, are you going to explain, or am I going to ring your scrawny little neck…?"

"Hoy! Leave go… I'll tell, I'll tell! You were the one who said you could show me secret things about lasses, and Berilac said you wouldn't, and then I said you would if I asked you, and then Berilac bet me that I wouldn't get to see Daffodil in her bloomers, and I said ew, why would I want to, and he said he'd pay a lot, and I said what's it worth then, and that's when he promised me a whole _bag_ of gobstoppers… Merry, why are you laughing?"

"Oh, I don't know – perhaps it's because you're a ridiculous Took, and I don't know why I put up with you!"

"I love you too, Merry. Shall we run away now – I think I can hear someone coming."

"Oh, blast it! Yes, run, run! If we're lucky your legs have grown up along with the rest of you."

"Not as fast as your stomach… No, not fair, not fair, you're not ticklish…!"

"Pippin. Just RUN!"

The sound of laughter and hurrying footsteps fades, and in the depths of Brandy Hall, all is quiet again… Until the next time.


End file.
